You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
