she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
