I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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