I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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