It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
