arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
