You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
