apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
