They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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