Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
