Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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