No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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