I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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