Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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