I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
