I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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