I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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