Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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