I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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