Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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