as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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