You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
