So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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