Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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