This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
