I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
