you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
