you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
