We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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