Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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