I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
do nipples grow back?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
