Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
