i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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