Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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