Screwed.edu
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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