I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize