sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
