This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
