can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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