she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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