The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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