I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
