R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
