This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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