there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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