My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
