At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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