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so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
