Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't turn off my feet"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
