If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
