your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
