My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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