Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
