Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
