Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My cat gives me a boner
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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