Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
