My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
