Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
