Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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