I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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