I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
