yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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