I just saw a hot homeless man
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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