it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
