she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
