ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
