FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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