Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
