one might say we're banned from that church
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
