Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
