Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
