the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
