he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
