Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
